It's a GRAND life!

As a young woman, I could not wait to have children.  My husband and I agreed on two-- one of each and they had names before they were ever born.  We eventually had four sons and we are totally fine with that.  Don't get me wrong, I would love to have had a daughter but I realize that my life is full and complete with these amazing men. Their wives and significant others are so wonderful and I feel they accept me for who I am-- a bit different and unique.
In addition we have eight grandchildren.  Eight different, talented, adorable, smart grand children who totally rock our world.  They all live near by and we rarely go a few days without seeing some of them, even if it's only for a quick hello.
There is a saying "if I had known how wonderful grand children were, I would have had them first".  But all the parenting years and things we learned through raising our children have given us a different outlook on many things when the grand kids are around.  We have not abandoned our sense of responsibility with them.  We teach manners, expect appropriate behaviors, don't let them run all over the place and act wild and in turn, we enjoy them,  I believe even more because we have set expectations and boundaries.
I am not like my grandmother.  I don't have many memories of her as we only saw her once every other year or so.  She was not a grandmother who read to me, baked cookies with me or even talked to me about my day.  For my grand children, I want them to have memories of grandparents that were interested in them as individuals, who showed up at events, who knew their fears and dreams.  We want them to have recipes they remember because we cooked together, they know how to sew on a button because I showed them how and they can plant a garden organically because their grandfather spent time in the garden explaining things.  We want them to know they were loved unconditionally even though we guide them through loving discipline.
We hope we understand the line between grandparent and parent and allow our sons and daughters in law to be the parents.  It's hard sometimes and there are many times we have made mistakes in this area, but we are still learning too.  We had our turn and now it is theirs.  But it's our turn to be the GRAND parents and that's what we will be!  The one thing I wish we could find are images and books of grandparents who aren't all gray haired and fluffy!

Making Memories

"Your most valuable family possessions are the shared experiences and memories that link your hearts together" .  Dennis Rainey

It's important to me, to create lasting memories.  My parents and my brother passed away way too young in their lives and I wish I had more moments with them to have created more memories.  I wish I had time I could have shared with them on some of the little joys in life but since we did not get that, I am sure that drives me to create memories for my family now.
Memory making can be small, tender times and don't always have to be epic adventures.  Although the epic adventures certainly will be memorable!  Memories link a family together like heirloom possessions and while each person remembers things differently, they still are unseen gifts held in our hearts.  Some of the best memories of our lives are made with our loved ones.  
Memories are to to be celebrated and cherished.  It isn't a memory until someone recalls it and starts the conversation "remember when...".  As our children have become adults, we are finding things they have done that we had no idea happened and their recollection is quite interesting.  For example, they all seem to think we left them alone with the eldest child in charge many, many times and for long periods of time.  In actuality, we rarely left them, but when we did it would be for maybe two hours and we were within walking distance of home.   Apparently, a lot can happen in that short period of time and their memories of what happened those "numerous" times unnerve me.  I have to remind myself their immature memories are just that. 
To celebrate one of our anniversaries, my husband created multiple questions that were about our dating relationship.  Each day, a different person in our life would call or contact me asking a question. If I got it right, I got a letter.  After gathering all the letters, I had to scramble and unscramble them to figure out what he was telling me.  I knew all the answers-- thank goodness, but it took me some time to figure out what the message was.  It was amazing that he remembered all the trivia from our dating period. Good memories and I bet today, after 43 years, we both will remember them all just the same!
I read a story about a young bride making a special ham dinner for her husband and as she prepared the ham, she cut off a few inches from one end, put it in the pan and proceeded to bake it.  He asked her why she did that and she said she remembered her mother always cut off the end first, so she did it too.  The next time she saw her mother, she asked her about cutting the ham and her mother said she remembered that her mother did it too, so she always did it.  They decided to call the elder mother (better do it sooner, rather than later!) and ask her why.  The mother told her daughter and her grand daughter she cut the end off the ham because her baking pan was too small to hold the ham!  Memories!  Glad they figured that one out! 
When one of our grand daughters was going to Disney for the first time, I asked if I could tag along.  Fortunately, her parents said yes, but my son asked me why I wanted to go.  I told him I wanted to share the moment not only with her but with them as well.  When we went to meet the Princesses, my grand daughter was sweet and polite to Cinderella and Belle, but when it was time to meet Aurora, she ran into her arms--as Aurora was her favorite Princess!  Of course, I cried, and I whispered to my son "this is why I wanted to be here".  I have been so very blessed to be with all of the kids so far when they have gone to Disney and each and every moment I cherish.  These are memories my mother didn't get to experience.  
As each day passes, I want to continue creating and experiencing memories for our family.   I preserve as much as I can in scrapbooks that are beautifully crafted.  I want our family's memories to be filled with laughter, wonder and love.  We have grown from the difficult times but may we always hold the good memories in our hearts forever.  

St Patrick's Day

March 17 celebrates St. Patrick's Day and yet most people have no idea the origin.  There really was a St. Patrick dating back to 390 AD and was likely born in Wales, but he was a Roman Citizen.  He was taken to Ireland to work as a slave by Irish raiders.  During that time, he found God and is a key player in bringing Christianity into Ireland.  Funny how that turned into an over-indulgent drinking holiday for many people.
There are a few things that I found interesting about this holiday and the first was the color green being associated with St. Patrick's Day.  Actually, the color worn was known as St. Patrick's blue-- a light color with shades of green, but not green as green is considered UNLUCKY!  This was traditionally the color from 1783-1921.
Prior to 1971, the holiday was a religious feast and all pubs were required to be closed.  Now, while drinking seems to be the point of the holiday for many, in Ireland, they do not offer green beer.
The shamrock is not the national symbol of Ireland and while it is associated with St. Patrick, that shamrock is a three leafed clover, not the "lucky" four leafed clover.  The three leafed clover is symbolic of the Holy Trinity.
St. Patrick's Day parades began in the US and started with a parade in New York City in 1762.  The first St. Patrick's Day parade in Ireland was in 1931.
St. Patrick actually died on March 17 but that was not his birthday.

Many Americans celebrate St. Patrick's Day with corned beef and cabbage and it is believed that eating this dish started here because the Irish wife would go to the local Jewish deli and get the cured meat.  Paring it with cabbage was inexpensive and the delicious dish took hold.  In Ireland, a family would likely have had pork and potatoes.
Funny how all this has evolved into something strange and different from the original roots.  Growing up I always panicked because I didn't have a green shirt and would claim my hazel eyes were enough.    But today, I wore green, and tonight, we are having corned beef--- in a way---we are having Reuben Sandwiches as we love sauerkraut and the beef on the lightly toasted rye bread.  No green beer in our house tonight but I will stop a moment and honor my Irish roots and long for the day I can stand on Irish soil!

The art of baking a pie

When I was a child, cooking dinner was one of my daily chores.  Dinner did not vary much, as our dad was a meat and potato kind of guy so we were not allowed to get creative at all.  Every now and then we could  make a dessert-- usually chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, but one thing he really liked was Lemon Meringue Pie.  I am sure my mom had cookbooks (but I don't remember them too much)  but not much was made from scratch in our home.  Our Lemon Meringue Pie was made with a box of jello pudding pie filling and then the meringue.
I did not grasp the intricacies of making meringue-- not until I was an adult and looking back on my first pie, I did not understand how to make a lemon pie either!  I followed the directions on the box and watched the pie bake, anticipating how good it was going to taste.  After dinner, I proudly served my fresh pie and although it was not  a thing of beauty, after all, the meringue did not set well but at least everyone was willing to eat it... that was until their first bite.
It had no flavor!  I did not know the little capsule inside the jello box was the lemon flavoring and had thrown it away thinking it was a preservative!  I was so embarrassed and I don't know how long it took me to attempt another dessert for the family.  But did I learn my lesson?  NO-- it took years for me to figure out that there were instructions for a reason.  That when the directions say beat for 2 minutes on medium and three minutes on high that it makes a difference! Or pre-heating the oven and setting the timer can make or break your dinner or dessert.
Lemon Meringue Pie is one of my very favorite desserts.  I have made low calorie, weight watcher ones (not very tasty) but it wasn't until yesterday I found a good recipe and attempted, once again, to make a perfect pie.  For me, it isn't effortless but it is enjoyable.  This time, I had problems with separating the egg whites from the yolks and then burned my first meringue.  I wasn't going to let this pie beat me, so I made another meringue and watched slowly brown and viola!  we had a beautiful, tart, lemon pie that I am quite proud of.
Here's to learning, even decades after a mistake and here's to being willing to try again!

Spring Cleaning

Why do we do spring cleaning?  Did you know there are some cultures who historically have been "spring cleaning" for centuries?  The Jewish custom is to clean in preparation for Passover (and honor the exodus from Egypt) while the Chinese clean before their New Year to rid their homes of bad luck and misfortune.  Many of us clean to air out the home from the winter months, sort of like coming out of hibernation and a closed up home.
I like to spring clean.  I like to go through my closet, try things on again, sort through clothes I did not wear last year and start paring down.  That way  I know what I might "NEED" for the summer!  I also clean most of the cabinets-- not all, but most and check expiration dates.  I rarely clean out my crafting area-- maybe re-organize it but I don't normally discard or donate much of the stock I have on hand!
Growing up, I don't remember spring cleaning as our home, for the most part was spotless all the time.  When we lived near the beach, our dad would check windowsills for salt (there was always salt) and our closets and drawers were constantly being checked for neatness.  It was a way of life that I now appreciate.   I also learned during my childhood that we all see different degrees of clean and each of us are wired into those degrees of cleanliness.
I found a list today on areas of spring cleaning people often neglect and decided I would make sure those were taken care of this week if at all possible!  Some I don't think we ever do, others we take care of when needed:

A great beginning!  

(1)  Trash Cans (usually cleaned when necessary)  (2)  Medicine Cabinets (3)  Blinds and window sills (4)  Behind appliances   (5)  Under the sinks (6) Oven  (7)  Mattress (8)  Dishwasher (9)  Door jams and trim  (10)  AC Vents (11)  Empty and clean all shelves in refrigerator AND a carry over from my childhood (12)  Fingerprints on light switches and around doors
So while March teases us with good weather, one of us is outside, getting the yard prepped for a beautiful Spring and Summer and the other is cleaning out the refrigerator and cabinets.  Room by room, just a few minutes (or hours) a day and we will get our home spruced up by April --maybe.

The Ego vs The True Self

Ego has always fascinated me.  I used to listen to my parents talk about their day and one of them would always have to trump the other on how bad things were or something wonderful that had happened.  I thought that was normal but it unsettled me.  As I matured, I discovered things about myself and my past that were in the way of where I wanted to be or attaining goals I set for myself.

Recently I read that a healthy ego is the ability to regulate painful emotions rooted in anger and fear.

This really makes sense to me.  

Having a weak or unhealthy ego, according to the article I read said that the person with this undeveloped ego tends to live life and acts in defensive ways.  They waste a lot of time fighting reality and have unrealistic expectations of what "should" happen in order for them to feel valued.  They often believe relationships are merely absence of emotional pain, fear and anger.  

People who have a strong, healthy ego are optimistic and have a strong sense of being capable.  They have the ability to regulate their emotions and to increase their chances of finding new ways of coping with challenges.  They do not personalize what others say or do.  They understand the difference between wants and needs and also see challenges as things that can and cannot be changed and adjust accordingly.

A healthy ego is essential to personal happiness and allows a person to adapt, to be flexible and to take on challenges and end with positive results.  

The more I read on this, the more I see areas in my own life where I have unhealthy or weak ego issues. Each area can be challenging to work on but it is great to celebrate even the successes as they come along.  I found this visual quite helpful and even found good word choices to use in difficult situations.  We are all works in progress.  Pardon me, please while I am under construction!

My Grandmother's Quilt

One of the things on my bucket list was to finish a quilt I had started.  I had it all pieced together but I just could not do the finishing portion.  I loved the quilting---even though my friend kept telling me my stitches were too big.  I enjoyed the piecing too-- creating the perfect design based on my color palette but I couldn't finish it.  Maybe if I had the right set up I could have done it.  I kept that quilt for about ten years and finally, when we were moving I put it in the Goodwill bag.  I am sad I didn't finish it so that I could have a quilt that could become an heirloom for one of the grandchildren.  But what I have is even better!  I have my grandmother's quilt.
My Aunt gave me a quilt years ago that she says my grandmother made.  I never knew her as she died before my mother was even an adult.  It is absolutely beautiful and I see it every day as we have hung it on a wall in our home (we researched how to hang an heirloom quilt, mind you, and have taken care in hanging it).  The pattern is likely Grandma's Flower Garden and was most popular after 1925 but is traced back to the 1700's in England.  Many quilts that have survived from the 1930-1940's are this pattern.
In addition to this quilt, I have a puff quilt my mother made in around 1970.  That quilt is made of left over material from my younger sister's dresses.  The weird thing, is that quilt is falling apart.  My guess is the quality of thread used at the time did not withstand like the thread from the 30's!  I must see about getting it restored so that it too, can become an heirloom for my grandchildren.
I love hand made quilts and am always on the lookout for a great quilt, in good condition that I can actually use!  So many are ripped or worn thin and if I find one in good condition, I cannot afford it!  I would love to find an old Amish quilt in the beautiful colors and patterns they enjoy using.  I prefer hand sewn, hand pieced quilts.  There's just something beautiful about all the small, neat stitches and the time it took someone to cut, piece, quilt and finish the work of art that gives me joy.
I am so grateful I have Leda's quilt-- it is the only thing I have of hers and someday, one of the grandchildren will have it.  I hope they will cherish it as much as I do.