It's a GRAND life!

As a young woman, I could not wait to have children.  My husband and I agreed on two-- one of each and they had names before they were ever born.  We eventually had four sons and we are totally fine with that.  Don't get me wrong, I would love to have had a daughter but I realize that my life is full and complete with these amazing men. Their wives and significant others are so wonderful and I feel they accept me for who I am-- a bit different and unique.
In addition we have eight grandchildren.  Eight different, talented, adorable, smart grand children who totally rock our world.  They all live near by and we rarely go a few days without seeing some of them, even if it's only for a quick hello.
There is a saying "if I had known how wonderful grand children were, I would have had them first".  But all the parenting years and things we learned through raising our children have given us a different outlook on many things when the grand kids are around.  We have not abandoned our sense of responsibility with them.  We teach manners, expect appropriate behaviors, don't let them run all over the place and act wild and in turn, we enjoy them,  I believe even more because we have set expectations and boundaries.
I am not like my grandmother.  I don't have many memories of her as we only saw her once every other year or so.  She was not a grandmother who read to me, baked cookies with me or even talked to me about my day.  For my grand children, I want them to have memories of grandparents that were interested in them as individuals, who showed up at events, who knew their fears and dreams.  We want them to have recipes they remember because we cooked together, they know how to sew on a button because I showed them how and they can plant a garden organically because their grandfather spent time in the garden explaining things.  We want them to know they were loved unconditionally even though we guide them through loving discipline.
We hope we understand the line between grandparent and parent and allow our sons and daughters in law to be the parents.  It's hard sometimes and there are many times we have made mistakes in this area, but we are still learning too.  We had our turn and now it is theirs.  But it's our turn to be the GRAND parents and that's what we will be!  The one thing I wish we could find are images and books of grandparents who aren't all gray haired and fluffy!

Making Memories

"Your most valuable family possessions are the shared experiences and memories that link your hearts together" .  Dennis Rainey

It's important to me, to create lasting memories.  My parents and my brother passed away way too young in their lives and I wish I had more moments with them to have created more memories.  I wish I had time I could have shared with them on some of the little joys in life but since we did not get that, I am sure that drives me to create memories for my family now.
Memory making can be small, tender times and don't always have to be epic adventures.  Although the epic adventures certainly will be memorable!  Memories link a family together like heirloom possessions and while each person remembers things differently, they still are unseen gifts held in our hearts.  Some of the best memories of our lives are made with our loved ones.  
Memories are to to be celebrated and cherished.  It isn't a memory until someone recalls it and starts the conversation "remember when...".  As our children have become adults, we are finding things they have done that we had no idea happened and their recollection is quite interesting.  For example, they all seem to think we left them alone with the eldest child in charge many, many times and for long periods of time.  In actuality, we rarely left them, but when we did it would be for maybe two hours and we were within walking distance of home.   Apparently, a lot can happen in that short period of time and their memories of what happened those "numerous" times unnerve me.  I have to remind myself their immature memories are just that. 
To celebrate one of our anniversaries, my husband created multiple questions that were about our dating relationship.  Each day, a different person in our life would call or contact me asking a question. If I got it right, I got a letter.  After gathering all the letters, I had to scramble and unscramble them to figure out what he was telling me.  I knew all the answers-- thank goodness, but it took me some time to figure out what the message was.  It was amazing that he remembered all the trivia from our dating period. Good memories and I bet today, after 43 years, we both will remember them all just the same!
I read a story about a young bride making a special ham dinner for her husband and as she prepared the ham, she cut off a few inches from one end, put it in the pan and proceeded to bake it.  He asked her why she did that and she said she remembered her mother always cut off the end first, so she did it too.  The next time she saw her mother, she asked her about cutting the ham and her mother said she remembered that her mother did it too, so she always did it.  They decided to call the elder mother (better do it sooner, rather than later!) and ask her why.  The mother told her daughter and her grand daughter she cut the end off the ham because her baking pan was too small to hold the ham!  Memories!  Glad they figured that one out! 
When one of our grand daughters was going to Disney for the first time, I asked if I could tag along.  Fortunately, her parents said yes, but my son asked me why I wanted to go.  I told him I wanted to share the moment not only with her but with them as well.  When we went to meet the Princesses, my grand daughter was sweet and polite to Cinderella and Belle, but when it was time to meet Aurora, she ran into her arms--as Aurora was her favorite Princess!  Of course, I cried, and I whispered to my son "this is why I wanted to be here".  I have been so very blessed to be with all of the kids so far when they have gone to Disney and each and every moment I cherish.  These are memories my mother didn't get to experience.  
As each day passes, I want to continue creating and experiencing memories for our family.   I preserve as much as I can in scrapbooks that are beautifully crafted.  I want our family's memories to be filled with laughter, wonder and love.  We have grown from the difficult times but may we always hold the good memories in our hearts forever.  

St Patrick's Day

March 17 celebrates St. Patrick's Day and yet most people have no idea the origin.  There really was a St. Patrick dating back to 390 AD and was likely born in Wales, but he was a Roman Citizen.  He was taken to Ireland to work as a slave by Irish raiders.  During that time, he found God and is a key player in bringing Christianity into Ireland.  Funny how that turned into an over-indulgent drinking holiday for many people.
There are a few things that I found interesting about this holiday and the first was the color green being associated with St. Patrick's Day.  Actually, the color worn was known as St. Patrick's blue-- a light color with shades of green, but not green as green is considered UNLUCKY!  This was traditionally the color from 1783-1921.
Prior to 1971, the holiday was a religious feast and all pubs were required to be closed.  Now, while drinking seems to be the point of the holiday for many, in Ireland, they do not offer green beer.
The shamrock is not the national symbol of Ireland and while it is associated with St. Patrick, that shamrock is a three leafed clover, not the "lucky" four leafed clover.  The three leafed clover is symbolic of the Holy Trinity.
St. Patrick's Day parades began in the US and started with a parade in New York City in 1762.  The first St. Patrick's Day parade in Ireland was in 1931.
St. Patrick actually died on March 17 but that was not his birthday.

Many Americans celebrate St. Patrick's Day with corned beef and cabbage and it is believed that eating this dish started here because the Irish wife would go to the local Jewish deli and get the cured meat.  Paring it with cabbage was inexpensive and the delicious dish took hold.  In Ireland, a family would likely have had pork and potatoes.
Funny how all this has evolved into something strange and different from the original roots.  Growing up I always panicked because I didn't have a green shirt and would claim my hazel eyes were enough.    But today, I wore green, and tonight, we are having corned beef--- in a way---we are having Reuben Sandwiches as we love sauerkraut and the beef on the lightly toasted rye bread.  No green beer in our house tonight but I will stop a moment and honor my Irish roots and long for the day I can stand on Irish soil!

The art of baking a pie

When I was a child, cooking dinner was one of my daily chores.  Dinner did not vary much, as our dad was a meat and potato kind of guy so we were not allowed to get creative at all.  Every now and then we could  make a dessert-- usually chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, but one thing he really liked was Lemon Meringue Pie.  I am sure my mom had cookbooks (but I don't remember them too much)  but not much was made from scratch in our home.  Our Lemon Meringue Pie was made with a box of jello pudding pie filling and then the meringue.
I did not grasp the intricacies of making meringue-- not until I was an adult and looking back on my first pie, I did not understand how to make a lemon pie either!  I followed the directions on the box and watched the pie bake, anticipating how good it was going to taste.  After dinner, I proudly served my fresh pie and although it was not  a thing of beauty, after all, the meringue did not set well but at least everyone was willing to eat it... that was until their first bite.
It had no flavor!  I did not know the little capsule inside the jello box was the lemon flavoring and had thrown it away thinking it was a preservative!  I was so embarrassed and I don't know how long it took me to attempt another dessert for the family.  But did I learn my lesson?  NO-- it took years for me to figure out that there were instructions for a reason.  That when the directions say beat for 2 minutes on medium and three minutes on high that it makes a difference! Or pre-heating the oven and setting the timer can make or break your dinner or dessert.
Lemon Meringue Pie is one of my very favorite desserts.  I have made low calorie, weight watcher ones (not very tasty) but it wasn't until yesterday I found a good recipe and attempted, once again, to make a perfect pie.  For me, it isn't effortless but it is enjoyable.  This time, I had problems with separating the egg whites from the yolks and then burned my first meringue.  I wasn't going to let this pie beat me, so I made another meringue and watched slowly brown and viola!  we had a beautiful, tart, lemon pie that I am quite proud of.
Here's to learning, even decades after a mistake and here's to being willing to try again!

Spring Cleaning

Why do we do spring cleaning?  Did you know there are some cultures who historically have been "spring cleaning" for centuries?  The Jewish custom is to clean in preparation for Passover (and honor the exodus from Egypt) while the Chinese clean before their New Year to rid their homes of bad luck and misfortune.  Many of us clean to air out the home from the winter months, sort of like coming out of hibernation and a closed up home.
I like to spring clean.  I like to go through my closet, try things on again, sort through clothes I did not wear last year and start paring down.  That way  I know what I might "NEED" for the summer!  I also clean most of the cabinets-- not all, but most and check expiration dates.  I rarely clean out my crafting area-- maybe re-organize it but I don't normally discard or donate much of the stock I have on hand!
Growing up, I don't remember spring cleaning as our home, for the most part was spotless all the time.  When we lived near the beach, our dad would check windowsills for salt (there was always salt) and our closets and drawers were constantly being checked for neatness.  It was a way of life that I now appreciate.   I also learned during my childhood that we all see different degrees of clean and each of us are wired into those degrees of cleanliness.
I found a list today on areas of spring cleaning people often neglect and decided I would make sure those were taken care of this week if at all possible!  Some I don't think we ever do, others we take care of when needed:

A great beginning!  

(1)  Trash Cans (usually cleaned when necessary)  (2)  Medicine Cabinets (3)  Blinds and window sills (4)  Behind appliances   (5)  Under the sinks (6) Oven  (7)  Mattress (8)  Dishwasher (9)  Door jams and trim  (10)  AC Vents (11)  Empty and clean all shelves in refrigerator AND a carry over from my childhood (12)  Fingerprints on light switches and around doors
So while March teases us with good weather, one of us is outside, getting the yard prepped for a beautiful Spring and Summer and the other is cleaning out the refrigerator and cabinets.  Room by room, just a few minutes (or hours) a day and we will get our home spruced up by April --maybe.

The Ego vs The True Self

Ego has always fascinated me.  I used to listen to my parents talk about their day and one of them would always have to trump the other on how bad things were or something wonderful that had happened.  I thought that was normal but it unsettled me.  As I matured, I discovered things about myself and my past that were in the way of where I wanted to be or attaining goals I set for myself.

Recently I read that a healthy ego is the ability to regulate painful emotions rooted in anger and fear.

This really makes sense to me.  

Having a weak or unhealthy ego, according to the article I read said that the person with this undeveloped ego tends to live life and acts in defensive ways.  They waste a lot of time fighting reality and have unrealistic expectations of what "should" happen in order for them to feel valued.  They often believe relationships are merely absence of emotional pain, fear and anger.  

People who have a strong, healthy ego are optimistic and have a strong sense of being capable.  They have the ability to regulate their emotions and to increase their chances of finding new ways of coping with challenges.  They do not personalize what others say or do.  They understand the difference between wants and needs and also see challenges as things that can and cannot be changed and adjust accordingly.

A healthy ego is essential to personal happiness and allows a person to adapt, to be flexible and to take on challenges and end with positive results.  

The more I read on this, the more I see areas in my own life where I have unhealthy or weak ego issues. Each area can be challenging to work on but it is great to celebrate even the successes as they come along.  I found this visual quite helpful and even found good word choices to use in difficult situations.  We are all works in progress.  Pardon me, please while I am under construction!

My Grandmother's Quilt

One of the things on my bucket list was to finish a quilt I had started.  I had it all pieced together but I just could not do the finishing portion.  I loved the quilting---even though my friend kept telling me my stitches were too big.  I enjoyed the piecing too-- creating the perfect design based on my color palette but I couldn't finish it.  Maybe if I had the right set up I could have done it.  I kept that quilt for about ten years and finally, when we were moving I put it in the Goodwill bag.  I am sad I didn't finish it so that I could have a quilt that could become an heirloom for one of the grandchildren.  But what I have is even better!  I have my grandmother's quilt.
My Aunt gave me a quilt years ago that she says my grandmother made.  I never knew her as she died before my mother was even an adult.  It is absolutely beautiful and I see it every day as we have hung it on a wall in our home (we researched how to hang an heirloom quilt, mind you, and have taken care in hanging it).  The pattern is likely Grandma's Flower Garden and was most popular after 1925 but is traced back to the 1700's in England.  Many quilts that have survived from the 1930-1940's are this pattern.
In addition to this quilt, I have a puff quilt my mother made in around 1970.  That quilt is made of left over material from my younger sister's dresses.  The weird thing, is that quilt is falling apart.  My guess is the quality of thread used at the time did not withstand like the thread from the 30's!  I must see about getting it restored so that it too, can become an heirloom for my grandchildren.
I love hand made quilts and am always on the lookout for a great quilt, in good condition that I can actually use!  So many are ripped or worn thin and if I find one in good condition, I cannot afford it!  I would love to find an old Amish quilt in the beautiful colors and patterns they enjoy using.  I prefer hand sewn, hand pieced quilts.  There's just something beautiful about all the small, neat stitches and the time it took someone to cut, piece, quilt and finish the work of art that gives me joy.
I am so grateful I have Leda's quilt-- it is the only thing I have of hers and someday, one of the grandchildren will have it.  I hope they will cherish it as much as I do.

If most of us worked with this philosophy, can you imagine what could be accomplished?  It would be pleasant to work with others with the same philosophy.  This would make the work place less stressful, even when the tasks are so daunting!  It would make each person feel valued and that their contribution was needed and appreciated.  Each task completed would be done correctly (hopefully) and would not need to be re-done.
This can and should be carried into the home as well... or maybe it should have started there.  Growing up, we always heard "a job worth doing is worth doing well" and I often find myself analyzing a task either at work or home and thinking if I am going to put energy into it, I want to do it once and be done when possible.  I don't like going back to a completed task, if I have finished it, I want it all tied up, filed away and easy to find.  I have yet to find that space in my world-- filed away and easy to find... but I am working on it.  I hope that my autograph is always excellent and when it is not, I want to be gracious enough to see where I need to improve.  This quote was a great reminder today and I wanted to share it.

Barbie

Actually it's 56th!  But I like the picture on pink!

The Barbie doll  was introduced in 1959-I was seven years old and I, like most girls wanted one.   She was introduced in March, just in time to gear up for Christmas sales.  I did not believe in Santa at that time of my life (I had been told at a very young age, he was not real which is another story!) so I asked my mom for a Barbie for Christmas.  My cousin got Barbie, my neighbor that I played with got Barbie but I got a Babette (the fake Barbie).  Not only did I get the fake, but I opened a box that had a Barbie in it but my mom told me I had to give it to a child who was not having a Christmas that year and she took it away.  Looking back, I am sure she had a reason for this, but to a seven year old, that reason did not make any sense at all. This particular Christmas did so much damage to me that it took years to even begin to understand why it happened and how to overcome the feelings I had.
When my mother died I was 32 years old and her older sister came to be with us and to go through her belongings.  We became good friends and we kept saying to each other it was sort of odd that all these years had passed and we had no relationship and suddenly we did.  She would come each summer for a few weeks and we would craft together, go shopping, watch tv, just spend time getting to know each other and build a great bond.  One day, we were at a store and in the toy section and we passed the Barbie dolls.  I told her I had never had one and went on to tell her what I remembered when I was seven.  She told me what she remembered of that Christmas and it sort of made me feel better but still not whole and not understanding why my mom did what she did.  When we got home later that day, she came into my room and gave me a bag.  In the bag was a  Barbie. My first Barbie at age 32.  I was overwhelmed with emotions --I still am at her kindness in trying to repair the past.
I understand it's just a doll.  In 1959, they sold for $3.00. I would suppose Babette was 99 cents.   In 1959, Barbie had a black and white bathing suit and amazing collection of clothes and tiny little high heeled shoes.  She eventually had a car, a boyfriend, a house and in 1963, she had a friend named Midge.
The other day, I noticed it was close to the time Barbie was introduced at the American International Toy Fair in March of 1959.  The first year, there were over 300,000 dolls sold.  A fact I did not know was the woman who created Barbie, Ruth Handler was married to Elliot Handler and it was he and his friend Matt Matson who started MATTEL.  Just when Disney was launching the Mickey Mouse Club on television, Mattel invested in advertising and Barbie's sales skyrocketed Mattel into it's quick fame and fortune!
Barbie has gone through many changes in her life and she seems to be facing competition from Bratz,  Monster High, Ana and Elsa, and American Girl dolls.  Only time will tell if she survives, but she has definitely had a long successful run!  Happy 56th Birthday, Barbie!

O R E O Cookies

Did you know that today is the 103rd anniversary of the Oreo cookie?  Oreo's were introduced by Nabisco on March 6, 1912-- that means most of us have grown up with this delicious cookie.  Growing up, a bag of these cookies were reserved for our dad, however, I always snuck a few!  But I did not like and still do not care for the "knock-off" version of an Oreo cookie.  If I am going to eat one, I want the real deal.
There are several stories as to how the name came about, after all, not a common name by any means!  First, the name could have been taken from the French word for "gold", which was the color of the early packaging.  Or, it could have come from the greek word for mountain but makes no sense at all. Finally, it could be the combination of taking the "re" in cream and combining that with the two "o's" in chocolate, sandwiching that together making Oreo.
People love their Oreo cookies and each has their unique way to eat them.  There are those that just love to dunk them in a cold glass of milk, those that twist off each chocolate piece and lick the cream off the cookie (that is my favorite way) and those that just bite right into them and enjoy!
There are hundreds of recipes that use Oreo's that range from cakes, to pies, to milkshakes and holiday treats. There are even crafts you can make using an Oreo cookie!   I remember years ago eating a dessert called Death by Oreo and while I don't remember all that was in it, I remember it was delicious and that later that night I had Oreo dreams!  Probably dreams brought on by guilt!
If I was going to buy a bag of cookies, this would be my first choice.  Followed by Double Stuff Oreo's, followed by the vanilla ones.  An Oreo is a good cookie choice... even if they aren't homemade.

Happy People

Thought this was quite interesting!  Twelve things happy people do.  Some are things I am working on, some are part of how I live and a few I need to implement in my life right now.  I am going to work on number 8... increasing flow experiences.
Never heard of this quite this way and what I see that jumps out at me is that "when you're focused on what you are doing you become one with the task."  I'm not sure about a state of being where I feel like time is standing still, but I can embrace trying to increase flow experiences and working to not allow things to distract me or compete with my focus.
In researching "flow", I found that it was a term was coined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in the 60's when he was studying the creative process.  He found that the key to being in the flow is the balance between skills and challenges.  The benefits of being in the flow include (1)  being involved in life rather than alienated from it.  Being present.  (2)  enjoy activities rather than finding them dreary (3)  having a sense of control rather than helplessness and (4)  to feel a strong sense of self
So, how do we experience this flow experience?  (1)  control attention (focus)  (2)  adopt new values (be open to new and different ideas (3)  learn what flows for you and keep doing that (4)  transform routine tasks (do the task but change how you are doing it-- play music, keep a list, take pictures, change it up!)
It's all pretty interesting.  I recognize now times I have been in the flow and I love those times.  I want more of it and want to be in that flow, or zone more often during each day.  \

Travel

“This heart of mine was made to travel the world.” unknown
Traveling is so exciting for me.  I enjoy all the preparations, making sure I have everything I need and a little more, a good itinerary, staying busy but planning down time as well and seeing everything I can possibly see and do in just a  few days.  
I have a friend who is 73 and she still travels the world, and most of the time by herself.  She amazes me but not only because she goes alone but she travels with a backpack!  I just can't do it.  I mean, I guess I could go alone, but it's the backpack.  I have a hard time wearing clothes several times (that's a sensory issue) and I never know what I will need (will I be too cold or too hot).  It will be that one time I don't take a second pair of shoes, I will have terrible blisters or my shoes will get wet (both have happened) and I am somewhere they don't make shoes in my size (has happened too).  
I have read articles and blogs about how to travel for 10 days and take only 10 total pieces.  I try so hard to pack light but I can't do ten pieces.  It was funny as much as I lightened my load on my trip to England, that my husband was the one that had to do laundry and not me, so I suppose I have reached a degree of success.  
A friend I travelled with told me once it was just wrong to have bad food when you are in a new city.  So good food becomes a priority for us--looking for the good and unique.  In Salisbury, we ate at the location where Churchill and Eisenhower planned the D-Day landings.  Not only a great historical place but amazing food... and we had blood sausage for the first time.  In New York City we ate at the very first pizza restaurant- Lombardi's.  It's always great to find these awesome locations and most times we aren't disappointed.  
Next thing we enjoy are the sites- whether it's historical sites, nature or the theatre, we always make sure we plan something unique and wonderful.  We have been to the Moulin Rouge in Paris --definitely more on the unique side than "wonderful".  I find the historical places so moving and authentic (for the most part) and isn't that part of why people travel?
Trip Advisor is our authority and once we visit somewhere, we give back by writing reviews as well.  Sort of wish we earned reward points with them so we could travel more!
So as I plan our trip to China this month, I am starting to agonize on what to pack, what to remember to take that I can't get there (REALLY... they don't make shoes in my size!), where we can eat, what we will see and how we will embrace their culture.  It will certainly be an adventure, as it always is and in my opinion, I am better for it.  

Manners of the 2000's

Where in the world is Emily Post?  Or does anyone remember her at all?  She was the authority on manners and etiquette and granted that was "back in the day".  But really, we still need manners.
Men don't have to open doors for me or stand when I walk into a room (although that happened to me in Europe and it was kind of nice) but we still need to be respectful and polite.
Without manners, we may be cheating ourselves and our children of opportunities to be kind and to think about the others around us.  It's one thing to use our manners one on one.  Most times, people will say "please" and "thank you" but there are other manners that just seem to be lacking.  Some people are downright rude.  They feel entitled and certainly don't care how their actions and words are affecting the people around them.   Recently I saw a lady drop some things at the grocery store on the floor and she left them there-- just pushed her cart on around and went on.  It's not that hard to pick up the items dropped.  And then there's the thing with guys scratching-- disgusting but I don't want to see it!
We seem to have forgotten how to RSVP (and if suddenly you can't make it-- you need to let the person know if you told them you were coming).  Thank you notes, get well cards and birthday cards shouldn't be a thing of the past.  Even if you don't want to buy one, send an E-card!
With technology, maybe there should be some reminders on when it's not appropriate to be texting (while driving, in a meeting, while talking face to face with someone)! I'm a firm believer that emails should be answered in 24 hours, so if you can't answer at least acknowledge receipt of the email.  Don't hit reply all unless it is necessary.  Keep private conversations private.  Saying "excuse me" and then interrupting is not polite.
I continue to work on these and the more I notice the people around me the more I realize I need to do better and to be kinder.  Thank goodness, my mother gave me a good foundation.

Stay committed to the decision

but stay flexible in your approach.  I really need to learn this.  Well, actually, I have sometimes have a problem even getting to the decision but that's another subject!  Once the decision is made,  it is important to commit to it, to set the goals and to stay strong.  This applies to most area of our lives.  

There are obstacles in the way that set us back.  It's part of this amazing journey we are on in life.

Being able to overcome those obstacles, then set yourself in the flexible approach.

There are a few common areas where we forget what our decision was and get all wound up in the little stuff (and sometimes big stuff).  

Time is a huge factor-- Being realistic on how much time a decision will take is important.  Is this a one day commitment or a three month commitment or a life-long commitment?  Blocking out time, putting energy into the time and being realistic about the time will enhance the success of the commitment.

Chaos-- some people thrive in chaos, it gives them the energy they need to tackle the problem.  Generally, people do not do well with all the chaos and it's best if that's happening to step away and find a quiet place to re-focus and get back to the decision.

Setting priorities-- if the priorities do not fall into our life, it is difficult to reach the completion of the decision.

Procrastinating--the world is full of people that just don't even get started.  I think half the battle is taking the first step. I'd rather take the first step and correct where my energies are to be or change the approach than to not take a step at all, after all, if we don't even make the decision--and that, too is a decision.  

Ownership-- once you make the decision, own it.  That way, you live with the decision, no one forced you into it... it was your choice.  Ownership is empowering.  

I believe the key to being successful with the commitment is being flexible.  Rarely does everything go as planned.  Our last two Easters were rainy.  How were we going to do our activities in the rain?  I am a Plan B person and quickly adjusted the activities and turned the day into a fun, indoor event.

And if Plan B doesn't work, there are 24 other letters!  Being flexible is a component to learning and achieving.  Be flexible in the way you need to, don't get off course by being so flexible that you lose sight of what the commitment to the decision was.  I took a training class that was all about Plan B.  The instructor gave five scenarios  and we were to come up with the next plan.  Three-quarters of the group failed the class because they couldn't come up with the plan.  I was not in that group.  

There are days I don't want to be flexible.  I want to do what I have to do and not have interference, but those days are usually my best days in my life.   Those are usually Plan B or C days!  

Collecting

Throughout my life, I have had a few collections that I enjoyed.  When my mother passed away, I took her teddy bear.  He is a beautiful little bear and he sits on a shelf in my bedroom.  I began collecting bears at that point but not just any bear.  The bears I wanted had to have character, a look in their eyes and a textured body.  At one point, I had over 100 bears-- most were given to me as gifts but some I purchased for myself.  I have also collect hinged boxes.  I had about 50 and when we moved, I gave the to Goodwill.  The collecting part was fun, but it didn't last as long as my bears did.  My bears also went to Goodwill.
My great grandmother collected salt and pepper sets.  I remember when we went to her house that it seemed she had hundreds of them and every time I see an old salt and pepper set in an antique shop I remember her collection.  I wish I had just one of her sets.  My mother started a collection of Fiesta Ware and her sister collected bears, books and dolls.
It is said that collections connect you to a period in your life that you feel strongly about and that you want to keep that part of your past now a part of your present.  Some collections are driven by the thrill of the hunt, the bargain and the beauty of the collection display.  Some collections become fads for a period of time --Beanie Babies were collected in the early 90's and there's a sad story about a family that collected those little animals in order to pay for their five children's college tuition.  They spent over $100,000 to end up with a $20,000 collection that he still owns sitting in his garage.
Topping a list of "Weirdest Collections" is a man who collects belly button lint and he keeps the lint in jars... and had the worlds largest collection! Weird, but true, is the young lady I new that collected eraser shavings.  Why?  No idea-- but to her, it was worth collecting.  There was a kid my boys knew that had a great collection of PEZ dispensers.
Then there are those who don't find any need to collect anything and I respect that.  My husband used to be a non-collector.  Now he finds enjoyment in unusual beers and can find a reason to keep that one bottle or glass! At this stage of my life I find making memories in other ways that cannot be defined in things or collections but in actions and time spent with our loved ones.   There are things I want to have around-- great books, classic games for the kids and a some family memorabilia but for now, that's enough stuff.

Lists

My iPhone has a list app and I use it daily.  My desk has a notebook where I keep lists of things for work.  My crafting table has a bulletin board and there are lists on it of pages I want to do in each of the scrapbooks I am working on.  I keep lists.  I start a list for each birthday coming up and write down ideas and then when they are purchased I put a check by it, when the item is wrapped I make another mark.
List keeping is fascinating.  There are list keepers that need quick little reminders "get dry cleaning" "need milk", etc and list keepers that have more than one list going at a time,  or even have lists broken down by hour, day or week.  I read that if you put little check off boxes by the items on the list, you may be considered an "over-the-top" list keeper.  I like the little boxes!
I was traveling last week and the lady next to me on the plane had a day-timer-- a big one and my first thought was, wow-- where's her calendar on her phone?  But then I remembered why I don't keep one-- TOO MANY THINGS to fit into the little squares! Plus, I have to carry it around with me all the time and I would forget the darn thing.  It's just easier to put it all on my phone.
Several years ago, a guy I worked with told me when he finished his work day, he would take the things he did not accomplish that day and start his list for the next day with those.  I found that interesting but I really tried not to have things left on my list if I could help it.  I like a clean slate every day, a fresh start, an empty in-box.  Does that happen, no.  But I would like it to be that way!
I must confess, however, that even if I make a list, I don't always succeed in getting things right.  I have had lists of gifts for the kids at Christmas and lost the list. I have made lists of "codes" and passwords and lost those too.   I have had a grocery list on my phone and somehow in the middle of the vegetable aisle, the lists goes into the trash on the phone and it cannot be retrieved.  But, I feel, the important thing is that there is a list (or many lists).  I have a plan and I plan to execute it.  And then I will check it off in one of those cute boxes!

Survivor

Survivor starts tonight on CBS.  Season 30-- who would ever think a television show that started in 2000 would last this long!  I was hooked at Season Two.  I did not see Season One and keep thinking I need to buy it on DVD just to see some of the iconic actions and people that participated in the premier showing.  I need to see the final tribal council where one of the contestants apparently made an incredible speech to another person and I want to see why and how Richard Hatch won.

Survivor has changed a little with the times, added twists and emotional pulls to draw in their faithful following.  

When Survivor started, there was a filming and set up crew of 75 people and now has a crew of over 300.  Each country they film in has it's own unique challenges and physical obstacles to overcome.  Many contestants return home with parasites and lasting health concerns.  There have been 16 male winners and 13 female winners--but one of the women has won twice!  

Some seasons kind of run a little mundane but usually picks up midway through the series. But, I am a true fan and will stick it out through the series-- after all, it's quite entertaining and we like to second guess what contestants will do or who will get voted out and why,  

There are quite a few memorable people from Survivor.   I will never forget Johnny Fairplay (aka Jon Dalton) and how he had set it up to have his loved one say his grandmother had died in order to garner a sympathy vote, or Mike's horrible burns that took him out of the competition but my favorite is when John Cochran told host, Jeff Probst that he wanted to be called "Cochran" like all the other "great" Survivor players! Cochran is one of my favorites. 

My brother tried out for Survivor several years ago-- and he flew out to be interviewed but he didn't make it.  He would have been amazing.  He had such a great personality and yet I wonder if people would have figured out how strong he could be and voted him off as soon as they could.  Regardless, it is pretty awesome that he got that far to be interviewed.  

My love for Survivor gave me a great idea for a team event when I worked for my old company.  We divided up peoples from each department and gave them each a torch and they could bring one luxury  item with them to the competition.  The event included some timed events, skill testing and the infamous disgusting food event.  We ended the day with fire building-- which is the way Survivor settles a tie.  I figured it would take at least 5-8 minutes for teams to gather kindling, tinder, and fuel and then light the fire,  What I didn't count on was two of the teams were Eagle Scouts and quite experienced at fire starting!  Regardless, it was fun and the closest I will ever get to Survivor in my lifetime!  I wonder if I should do a Survivor Camp with my kids? 

Have the courage to move on

Every day there are challenges with work, family, and friends.  Some challenges are quickly forgotten but there are some that somehow linger and then fester into ugly memories that we can't get rid of.  Sometimes you think you have healed and it's over and then something dredges it back up and that pain hurts almost as bad as when it happened.  The important thing is to not be stuck.  Reach inside and forgive the past, the person, the event and take some time for healing and then move on.
I read an article that said that hurting people will hurt others.  You can't change what happened nor can you restore things to what they were before the event.  But, you can forgive yourself and give yourself permission to move on.  That is when peace will find you and you will have grace to move forward.
There are times I wish I could take back things I said or did as a mother and even after all these years, some of those things try to haunt me.  In those times, I am learning that is in the past and not only have I moved on, but I have grown and learned from those mistakes.  Sometimes we need reminded,we don't always learn the first time around!  But with grace and dignity we must move on.

Glass half full or half empty?

My glass is usually half full.  I have a very hard time being around people who are not optimistic.  I am not sure this is a learned trait or one you are born with but I have always been this way, so despite bad things that have happened, I have a good outlook on most things.
I am finding that the pessimist is almost always negative.  You can talk about just about anything and that person will find the negative in it.  Pessimists tend to think everyone is out to get them, they are rarely grateful and they have a hard time letting go of the past.  I am also finding they can support their negativity with facts.  This type of person is difficult to boost and takes so much energy from others around them that the glass that was half full now becomes a glass that needs to be filled with alcohol!
Just think about how nice it would be to be surrounded by people who overcome the bad or negative things going on by being proactive, positive and uplifting! I recognize the world is not a perfect place, that there are horrible things that happen and life isn't all love, peace and happiness.  But, in all that, in each day, there must be a way to find some good.
There is an Indian proverb that a grandfather was teaching his grandson about life and how life is like a terrible fight between two wolves.  One wolf is evil and full of hate, envy, sorrow, regret, lies, superiority, ego, etc.  and the other wolf is good and shows love, goodness, peace, hope, kindness, and truth.  The two wolves are fiercely battling each other all the time and the grandfather says these same things are inside each of us.  The grandson thought about it for a moment and asked his grandfather-- which wolf wins?  And the grandfather answers... the one you feed.

What Did You Want to be When You Grew Up?

As long as I can remember, I struggled with what and who I wanted to be when I grew up.  I was a fairly smart kid in school, read a lot, but was a bit shy. My report cards were usually all A's (except for math).  But when we had a  a project at school,  I would have an idea of what I waned to do but my mother would make me do something else.  Most of my childhood, I felt I could not really be me. I always was doing what someone else wanted me to do.
As my high school graduation was soon coming, I told my mother I wanted to go to college and become a teacher.  She told me I wasn't smart enough to do that, after all, I didn't have the talent to even do a bulletin board!  And, college is just for girls to find a husband.  So, being the daughter that wanted her approval, I went to school for two years --almost getting an associates degree in business.
I still felt like teaching was what I was supposed to do and after my children were born, found myself easily teaching them and enjoying the "teachable moments" of life.  For several years, when they were all in school, I was a substitute teacher and started thinking about going back to school but it was overwhelming at the time with four children and my husband's ever-changing work schedule.
As life moved on, I found ways to satisfy my desire to teach.  I also realized, I was creative. I have written a book and been published in a paper crafter's magazine several times.  I have run day camps for hundreds of cub scouts, vacation bible school and now I do summer camp with my grandchildren.
I am sad my mother couldn't see that in me.
There are no regrets that I didn't get that teaching degree because if I had I am sure my life would have been so different and I am happy with how things have turned out.   But every time I go into a classroom, I am in awe of the learning centers, calendar corner and the bulletin boards and I know I could make GREAT bulletin boards!

Listen to what people say

It is interesting listening to what people say-- and I catch myself saying, what the heck?  I understand there are colloquialisms but when an idiom is used incorrectly my brain re-sets and then I wonder have I been saying that wrong all along?
I was standing in line at a shop and the customer in front of me was disagreeing with the cashier and finally said, "well, it's a mute point- you don't understand what I am asking".  It's not a MUTE point (mute means unable to speak).  It's a moot point.  There are several that make me crazy--
(1)  head towards the door and then...  TOWARD never has an s on the end.  And while we are on the s at the end of a word-- ANYWAY also has no s ever.
(2)  Is it should of or should have-- it's should have.  Always.  And it's would have, could have as well.
(3)  While your stomach may be cramping because you didn't eat enough, you have hunger pangs, not pains!
(4)  Literally has become quite a popular word recently.  Please don't overuse it.  If it's a fact, I believe you and you don't have to convince me, literally.
(5)  Trying to get control of something by nipping it in the butt just won't happen.  You nip it in the bud as if you are preventing a flower from budding.
I don't always catch myself but I am working on it.  It probably doesn't matter to anyone but me but I am a bit embarrassed when I realize I am saying something incorrectly.  When on our cruise last year I realized it was MUSTER station--granted, not something you have to do often in life but it's not a hot dog stand where we all mustered together!  All of a sudden, (correct not all of the sudden) I keep thinking of more and I have to look up to see which are correct.
I believe we should learn something every day- whether it's about the world around you, a life hack to make things better or correct grammar, learning is a life long process and I am still in that process.  It's a dog eat dog world out there (not a doggy dog world) so, listen up!

Deadlines

There is a saying, "if you want something done, give it to a busy person".   I am a "always beat the deadline" person.  I rarely wait till the last minute.  I am also a Plan B person.  My mind just works that way.  The key, I have found, is to take the first step.  Sometimes, I have to talk to someone, sometimes I need to write it down, scratch it all out, start all over, but in the end, once I get it going, I can usually get to where I need it to be and be done before it is due.  What bothers me, is someone setting a deadline with unrealistic expectations as to when it can be completed-- and knowing if that person was being asked to meet the same expectations they would not be able to.
Some great tips to meeting and exceeding expectations that work for me are to (1) write everything down.  In my phone, I use the notes app and at my desk I use a notebook.  (2)  make a list of all the projects and due dates or deadlines (3)  build in a cushion-- you never know what is going to happen in that window of time you set for yourself to work on a project (4)  focus --for me that means turning off the music, pulling in all the supplies I need for the task and eliminating any other distractions if possible (5)  get help when needed (6)  reward yourself knowing you did a good job!
Deadlines can refine your mind or it can make you absolutely crazy and unproductive.  A colleague of mine used to say we worked really hard and got a lot of things accomplished so we when we were off we played hard.  We would give it our very best and the few hours that are left in the day belong to us.  That's where the reward was.
I needed to remind myself today that I thrive when there is a deadline, that I can and I will carve out the time, and I will meet the deadline and exceed expectations.

Pets

Some of us are cat people, some of us are dog people and (while it is hard to believe---) some of us are no pet people!  Our home is a dog home and at it's fullest, there have been six dogs roaming around- four living here and two visiting.  When we have adopted a dog, it has been an all in adoption.  We have had one or two mixed breeds when we were first married, then fell in love with miniature dachshunds.  Then, our youngest went on a campaign to get a yellow lab after he saw the movie "The Incredible Journey".  He was even picky about the lab- she had to have a pink spot on her nose.
As he asked and begged for this dog, I told him that if he could find one at the shelter we could get it. At the same time, a friend called me about a lab that was neglected and would we be interested in her.  But, she was a Golden Retriever Lab mix and our son wanted a Lab-- with a pink spot on her nose.  We went to see her just in case and low and behold-- she was exactly what we needed.  Sadie came into our lives and introduced us to the wonderful world of big, unconditional loving dog.  She was a great dog (other than eating food off the counter) and we enjoyed her immensely.
A few years after we adopted Sadie, we adopted a miniature Chihuahua--- they are so cute when they are little, aren't they?  Dala never was a cuddle with you dog.  She kind of stayed to herself and every now and then would let you pick her up and enjoy her.  She became my husband's dog.  We moved from our fenced in back yard to a new home without a fence and both dogs had a hard time with the adjustment.  They didn't like leash walking, could use the bathroom if you were nearby, ran off when they could (a Chihuahua can go really far pretty fast) and so we found a home for Sadie where she could be outside again.  When the man came to get her, she acted like he was her long lost owner and we knew she was going to be ok.  That left us with Dala.
But, I needed my own dog.  A dog that would sit with me at night, walk nicely on a leash, enjoy car rides and be my companion!  I thought I wanted a Yorkie-- cute, little and adorable but one of our boys suggested this new breed we hadn't heard of.  So off we went looking for a Havanese.
Havanese were bred in Cuba to be a companion dog to aristocrats.  We found Lola in north Georgia and I was in love from the beginning.  She has soft, silky curly hair and loves to be combed and groomed.  She's great with the kids and sits near me in my home office during the day.  But, when my husband is home-- she is by his side.  Sits on his lap looking at him!  But, she is a sweet dog and I enjoy taking her to the park (she walks great on a leash) when it's warm or laying out by the pool with  me during the summer.
Over the past year, our Chihuahua has developed a terrible cough and we found her trachea was collapsing (common in small dogs).  She would get better then worse to the point where we finally took her to another Vet to be checked and see if he could give her stronger cough medicine.  He found her heart was enlarged and pressing on three organs and it was only going to get worse.  Dala had days where she didn't want to get out of her bed and then she would have days she ran around like a little puppy again.  At this point, her life was miserable, probably in pain from the enlarged heart and the internal pressure on her tiny five pound body.  So, we made the decision to let her go to sleep.
There's a loss in our home.  She has been a part of our family for 12 years.  Lola doesn't seem to notice, she probably thinks she went to spend the night with Lily (one of our grand pups)!  Lola is now the Alpha Dog and the position has not gone to her head just yet.  She is still her sweet, adorable self and I enjoy each moment           she isn't barking!

Just 21 Days

We have all heard it only takes 21 days to change a habit or create a new one, but where did that come from... is it true?  Apparently it is!  In the 1950's a plastic surgeon started noticing after about 21 days, his patients were used to seeing their "new nose" or "new face" and so he tried it himself and found it was about 21 days for the old mental image to be removed from his mind and the new one to jell.  His theory took hold, there were many that took that information and ran with it and now we hear it all the time.
But, based on another study of 96 people, the research showed it takes a minimum of 21 days and actually can take longer! I believe it is a matter of choice once you start the change you choose to accept that change.  It's whether you put in the work and it depends on what you are working to change.  Losing 20 pounds in 21 days is unrealistic but choosing to eat healthy will continue the "habit" of eating right and getting closer to the weight loss goal.
A book that impacted my life years ago was Stephen Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and now it is part of the curriculum in our schools in the area.  The habits include "be proactive" and "put first things first".  I find his seven habits easy to do (well, they may be hard some days to implement but they aren't impossible) and refer to them quite a bit as I go through my daily work.  Again, I think it's a choice.  You can choose to be happy regardless or you can wallow in self pity.  You can choose to drink that extra bottle of water or another calorie filled coke.
Today, I saw this in a file I keep and thought by the time spring comes, I can build this into my good, daily habits.  I am going to be rewiring my brain for the next 21 days... or however long it takes.  What will be exciting is to be at a place where every moment of every day makes me realize how truly grateful I am.

What's for Breakfast?

One of my best childhood memories is my mother (or grandmother many times) making me a hot, steaming bowl of oatmeal.  I was born in Indianapolis and lived there for five years.  I remember oatmeal and cream of wheat for breakfast most mornings and my love for both is still strong.  When traveling in Europe, I enjoy Muesli (a beautiful combination of fruits, grains, seeds and nuts) but I have yet to embrace Asian Congee (a thick pasted rice).  For me, oatmeal is just a great way to start the day.  I prefer steel cut oats because of its rich and nutty flavors and I don't really like instant oatmeal... I like the cooked on the stove, perfect serving of oatmeal.
When we were moving to Florida, I remember stopping at a restaurant and my mother ordering oatmeal and we were served our first order of grits.  GRITS!  Wonderful, creamy grits.  Of course, I was too young to really care-- it was breakfast and it was something different and yet yummy.  My journey of warm comforting breakfast foods began.

It's fun to see how people eat their grits.  My husband is a butter, salt and pepper grit eater.  I love mine with a little brown sugar or syrup.  I like them sweet, he likes them salty.  I eat them as a side to some eggs, he eats them as a whole meal for breakfast.  Both of us prefer cooked off the stove and not instant.  Neither will eat them with cheese unless it is a dinner side dish.
I like my oatmeal the same way, a little sweet and add some raisins and nuts and I am off to a great day!  Then I get the added health benefits and feel even better!  I am tempted to try some of these recipes I keep seeing for "overnight oatmeal"  but have yet to do it.  Maybe sometime before the winter is over, I will do just that.
But I must ask you-- have you ever had fried mush?

The Spiritual Significance of Music

At the very heart of humanity, is a song of the soul.  Spiritual music and songs bring us to another level of being present in the moment and allow the soul to soar.  I believe in the collective worship experience, that is why most places of worship include music as part of the framework of the gathering.  The existence and experience of the music brings us together and more spiritually attuned.
Music has evolved from what I grew up with at church-- an organist, (or piano if we weren't fortunate enough to have an organ) and a hymnal to two or three bass players, drums, keyboard and guitars.  From the slow, melodic hymns like "In the Garden" and "Rock of Ages" to rousing and uplifting songs like "Great I Am" and "This is Amazing Grace".  We all have favorites. We all have that one song that stirs up memories and speaks to our soul.  I cannot put a finger on just one-- there are so many.  We grew up listening to Tennessee Ernie Ford sing "His Eye is on the Sparrow" and "In the Garden" and as we moved into the 70's the hymnals were gone and we were singing "Just as I Am" and "Blessed Assurance".
When I sat with my brother during his last few hours on earth,  I found peace in listening to "I Can Only Imagine" and I let the music whisper to me and paint a picture of peace.  Music has a way of expressing what we cannot say.  My favorite story is about Horatio Spafford who wrote the song "It is Well With My Soul".  In the 1870's, he suffered great financial loss and sent his family to Europe but was unable to join them on the ship at the last minute due to business problems.  While crossing the Atlantic, the ship his wife and four daughters was on sank and only his wife survived.  Rushing to get to her, his ship went the same route and as he neared the place he wrote the following, in part:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
   
While I cannot pick just one song that spiritually moves me, I know that music is a good therapy for me and that it has helped me manage stressful situations, rest more peacefully at night and given me a  better attitude.  Singing and listening to good music becomes engraved on the mind and surely the soul.  And in the end, I want it to be well with my soul.

Exceed Expectations

Exceeding expectations is a choice and can become a nice habit to have as it becomes the foundation of all you do.  I used to work for an amazing company that started with two friends who sold camp equipment to various summer camps.  All camps needed footballs, baseball bats, art material, etc and they grew that business into a very nice PE, Early Childhood and Adaptive Education company.
When I started there, the company president, made an impact on my life.  He was kind, engaging and he genuinely cared for each employee.  There was a rough spot for me when I had to take six weeks off and I did not qualify for short term disability and he paid me the entire time I was out with the agreement I would pay it back (which I did).  Everyone wanted to work for this company and for this man.  If he were in business today, I'd be there.  When things started changing for the company, he stood in front of his employees and apologized for the situation and as he did, his voice faltered and his emotions clearly showed.  One employee shouted in the room "It's ok-- we've got your back"! What made this company so good?  What made him such a great leader?

All employees attended a two-three day training when they started.  The training could have been accomplished in ten minutes because his philosophy was "exceed expectations".  PERIOD.  That resonated with me and I find myself often going that extra mile and while sometimes, the receiver doesn't even recognize the "extra", I feel good.  When you exceed others expectations, you pay attention to details, you are more self-motivated and have a positive attitude.  You also differentiate yourself.
I like to be on the receiving end of all this too-- one of my favorite shops asks if I want a bottle of water while I am shopping, they offer to hold any packages I may have and when I am finished with my purchase, the wrap it in tissue, and put it in a reusable cloth bag and then in a gift bag.  I don't need all that, but they go out of their way to make me feel important to their business.
Zappos is another company whose business philosophy is to deliver great service and to differentiate themselves by being flexible and even a little weird.   They have a record holding customer service phone call that lasted 10 hours and the customer wasn't calling to complain or get something for nothing-- they just needed to talk and ended up buying a pair of Uggs boots.
As I go through my work day, family time and time spent with friends, I want to exceed expectations.  I want people to want to be around me, to be cheerful and supportive and I am finding, I want to be around those kinds of people too.

Pretty things

It's always nice to have things around that make you happy.  Art on the wall, a comfy afghan, that special mug.  Recently, we replaced our dinner ware and I went back and forth on what I wanted.  I have always loved Fiesta Ware.  It's plain, functional yet so bright and colorful.

My appreciation probably came from my mother  as she collected Fiesta in the late 70's.  Garage sales were full of wonderful pieces and she had quite a few.  She was getting pieces from 40's and 50's and probably in some of their original colors which were red, yellow, cobalt blue, green, turquoise, and ivory -- nice bright colors.  Then in the late 50's "fashion" went toward the softer pastels.  For a while, Fiesta even went to the popular earth tones but that didn't last long.  Consumers want the bright colors.   Each year,  Fiesta puts out one new color and since they were founded, they have launched 38 colors in their line!  They may be plain to some people, but they are good, hearty, made in the US pieces of dinner ware.
When I set out to buy my set, I had a hard time deciding on what color I wanted.  I love red but then the yellow is so cheerful so I put a red and yellow set together and as I did that the turquoise had to join them.  So now I have a beautiful three colored set of Fiesta Ware and every time I open the cabinet I smile.  They are so cheerful and pretty together and I have decided I need to find some of their long lost cousins.  I am hitting the Flea and Antique shops to see what I can find. They need some companion pieces.  The fun will be in the hunt, the bargain and the remembering how much my mom enjoyed her pieces too.

Aging

Our world seems to be missing the joy and beauty of staying connected with our elders.  Sure, there are programs that one can find to tap into someone with experience and knowledge but we tend to forget them.  I am happy to see mentoring projects popping up.  You can volunteer to mentor a child at school, you can have a coach for physical training and I am sure somewhere on the internet you can get information and mentoring you need for just about anything.  But we still seem to be forgetting that the experience of others can be just as valuable if not more.
Entering the phase of life where I am now the "senior" in any group situation is scary.  It reminds me of my mortality and I want to make sure I live each moment to the fullest.  That I am productive, respected and yet still open to learning.
Years ago I found this quote and have it taped to my desk:

"Imagine us accorded admiration and respect as we age.  That as we become older, we are sought out for our wisdom and our knowledge.  Consider the potential of collective transformative energy as we age with grace, honor and vision."

I want to harness the collective energy of those around me.  I want to have vision, to not live in the past but see a future of possibilities and dreams.  I want the experiences of life to fill me with potential and understanding.  With that comes respecting others around you.  Being "older" doesn't give someone the right to be disrespectful or the right to voice your opinion.  I was at an appointment yesterday and the lady near me didn't hear her name being called (and trust me she wasn't even 70 yet) and when she finally realized it she was so mean to the office staff.  She ranted on and on about how they should have made eye contact with her and how they should have walked over to the area where SHE was sitting, etc.   I hear it all the time and it bothers me.  There is no free pass to be hateful, opinionated or hurtful  because you have reached a certain age.

We all should age with grace, honor and vision.  and we are ALL aging!

Life often imitates art

My love of reading takes me many places, to many topics and experiences.  I learn so much because of the variety of styles and authors I read.  Recently, I picked up "Heart of the Matter" by Emily Griffin.  I figured it was a light, quick read but found myself entwined in the characters lives and tragedy.  Without giving away the plot, I found myself grateful that my experience with a similar situation was different and yet there were parallels that drew me in and touched my heart.
You see, I had a son who had second and third degree burns on his face and chest when he was six months old.  Six year old Charlie, in this book, had third degree burns on his face.  The plot of the story centers around Charlie's surgeon and his dedication to bringing this little boy through a horrible accident and healing him.  Valerie, Charlie's mom and Nick, his surgeon struggle with their own issues of trust and balance in their lives.
There are times in our lives we have to give up our own feelings and trust someone else.  When our baby was burned, everything within me said he would be ok, just let me hold him and feed him and we will be fine.  But, medical protocol for burns is generally isolation of the patient.  Tell that to a mom of a six month old!  All I wanted to do was to hold him.  After 18 hours, the staff finally relented he seemed to heal much quicker than expected.  We were told he could not have any liquids except from a bottle so they could monitor intake and output, but after the iv was taken out the next day, I was able to nurse him easily.  We were told we would be there eighteen days but we went home in four.  We were told his ear was severely burned and they were planning on skin grafts, but on day four, the plan was scratched.  I had to trust the doctor in this case to do all he could but also trust my own feelings that we could work as partners to bring out the best results.
While reading this book, my heart ached for little Charlie and his mom.  The fears I had experienced thinking our child was going to die came back so strong, I would have to put the book down to recover and then pick it up quickly because I wanted to know how this was all going to end.
While this is not a literary winner or on Oprah's Book of the Month, "Heart of the Matter" is a good book, well worth reading and reflection of how you respond to your heart.

It just calls my name.....

Salted Caramel ... I have a thing for salted caramel.  Thank goodness, I can walk away most of the time, otherwise I would have a major problem.  I have always liked caramel.  Caramel apples, caramel corn, caramel mocha frappuccino --I just like caramel.  I am at a point where caramel could replace chocolate for me-- unless it's salted dark chocolate.  For me, this is just a beautiful blend of sweet, smooth and salt.
I would treat myself every few weeks during the holidays to a Starbucks Salted Caramel Mocha (skinny and decaf) and recently, on a cold rainy day I tried to order one and found out that it's a seasonal drink!  Makes me sad-- so I am searching a way to make this at home.
Then, my favorite bakery seems not to be carrying the salted caramel cupcake on a regular basis, but honestly how would I know because I don't even go there once a month-- but when I do, they don't have them so I guess they are saving me the calories!  Another bakery told me they could make salted caramel cupcakes or even a layer cake, but they don't buy the salt needed.  REALLY????
The good news is Weight Watchers has a Salted Caramel Brownie and while it is good-- it's not the same.  It's not quite the perfect blend of salt and caramel.
Sunday, I found Stacy's Pita Salted Caramel Chips.  They are good and crunchy and satisfy my snacking need but need a bit more caramel. So, I am searching for that perfect salted caramel treat.  The perfect balance of salt and sweet, creamy and yummy.   I hear there is a salted caramel martini that I need to try.

MMMMM.. what is that smell?

The sense of smell is the oldest sense in our body.  I have heard that many times but started wondering why.  Basically, the scent travels to the emotional center of our brain and that portion triggers memories.  Women have a stronger sense of smell than men...which explains why we can usually tell if the milk has gone bad or there is a messy diaper in the house!
I have a strong sense of smell.  I can smell silk-- sounds crazy but I can.  Someone can walk by me wearing a silk sweater or shirt and my head turns.  I love the smell.  I love the smell of old leather, rain and freshly mown grass.  And who doesn't like the smell of chocolate chips cookies baking or fresh bread? Those are wonderful smells but some that evoke memories from my childhood are tangerines (we grew up in Florida), thick school paste and ditto paper (which we now know was highly toxic).
I also remember hearing that if you sniffed glue, that at night, while you are sleeping, when your mouth is open, cockroaches will crawl in because they want the glue.  I NEVER sniffed the glue or paste again!
Then there's flowers.  My first corsage was a red rose between two gardenias.  To this day, I love gardenias.... and I love the boy that gave me that corsage!  Every time I smell a gardenia, I remember the dance right down to what I wore.
For years, I have avoided a certain hand lotion because it was what  my mother wore and I couldn't bear to smell it.  It hurt too much and the memories were too strong.   I have embraced that now and actually enjoy the smell of Jergen's Hand lotion.   I also avoid the smell of patchouli.  I don't like the way a little boy smells when he has been outside all day.  But I do love how a little boy smells fresh from his bath and in clean pajamas.
And did you know that our olfactory analyzers are about the size of a postage stamp while a dog's is about the size of a standard sheet of paper.   We have around 5 million scent receptors and a dachshund has 125 million!  And speaking of dogs... have you smelled their paws?  Another smell I love.  At least, my dog.... I know where she's been.
The beauty in life, is each precious moment.  Stop and smell the roses!

The Oxford Dictionary

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the debut of the Oxford Dictionary-- in 1884! It is still the authority of the meaning and pronunciation of over a half a million words.  Growing up, my mother would tell me to look things up using the dictionary.  Proper grammar and spelling were a daily part of our lives both at home and at school.
I was corrected once at work on the way I say the word "often".  I pronounce the t.  The man correcting me, gave me a lecture on the t being silenced.  So I listened, and then went back to my paperback dictionary at my desk and looked it up.  I am fine with being corrected... I want to know if I am saying or using a word incorrectly.  But I was really happy with this finding:
[the pronunciation of the t in often] is practised by two oddly consorted classes—the academic speakers who affect a more precise enunciation than their neighbours…& the uneasy half-literates who like to prove that they can spell….”
Mispronounced words really bother me.  I hear someone say "old timers disease" and it may be an old timer's disease but it is pronounced Alzheimer's Disease.  Or expresso... it's espresso.  Or putting an "L" after saw.  I saw it-- not I sawl it!
I have a friend who corrects people, and I have even seen them not understand she is correcting them.  Makes me smile every time.  I also have a hard time with a professional, public speaker or politician  who cannot pronounce a word or uses a word incorrectly.  I am not without fault  -- I recently discovered I misspelled the word a lot.  I kept trying to make it one word!  No wonder the red squiggly lines were always there!  Got it.  Won't make the mistake again.  It's fun to research some of these common mistakes and make sure I am saying and using the words correctly.    Did you know it's correct to say "for all intents and purposes" not "for all intensive purposes".