The Oxford Dictionary

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the debut of the Oxford Dictionary-- in 1884! It is still the authority of the meaning and pronunciation of over a half a million words.  Growing up, my mother would tell me to look things up using the dictionary.  Proper grammar and spelling were a daily part of our lives both at home and at school.
I was corrected once at work on the way I say the word "often".  I pronounce the t.  The man correcting me, gave me a lecture on the t being silenced.  So I listened, and then went back to my paperback dictionary at my desk and looked it up.  I am fine with being corrected... I want to know if I am saying or using a word incorrectly.  But I was really happy with this finding:
[the pronunciation of the t in often] is practised by two oddly consorted classes—the academic speakers who affect a more precise enunciation than their neighbours…& the uneasy half-literates who like to prove that they can spell….”
Mispronounced words really bother me.  I hear someone say "old timers disease" and it may be an old timer's disease but it is pronounced Alzheimer's Disease.  Or expresso... it's espresso.  Or putting an "L" after saw.  I saw it-- not I sawl it!
I have a friend who corrects people, and I have even seen them not understand she is correcting them.  Makes me smile every time.  I also have a hard time with a professional, public speaker or politician  who cannot pronounce a word or uses a word incorrectly.  I am not without fault  -- I recently discovered I misspelled the word a lot.  I kept trying to make it one word!  No wonder the red squiggly lines were always there!  Got it.  Won't make the mistake again.  It's fun to research some of these common mistakes and make sure I am saying and using the words correctly.    Did you know it's correct to say "for all intents and purposes" not "for all intensive purposes".

Awaken to Your Life's Purpose

Several years ago, the book "A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose" by Eckhart Tolle was passed around our office.  I will read just about anything (well, I have my personal limits) and so I jumped in and read it.  At the same time, Oprah was doing Podcasts with Tolle and I caught a few of those.
This book is so good.  It's not to be read in a few days.  The wisdom and truths he delivers are to be taken in doses.   Tolle defines our "ego-based state of consciousness" and how that consciousness could be the key to ending conflict and suffering.  He explains in so many ways how the ego creates jealousy and unhappiness.  His book is full of eye opening and heart changing ideas.  He uses scripture, wise sayings, real life experiences of many people to show the state of our being.  This book made such an impact on me, it changed how I handled things at work, how I began to see myself and how I wanted to be in the future.  Oh, I still falter, many times, but am drawn back to my spiritual beliefs and to the things I learned in this book.
Most of us want to live to our full potential and to have meaning in all we do.  I see a relationship between my personality traits and my role in life.  One of the nuggets I gleaned from the book was "the more identified people are with their respective roles, the more inauthentic the relationships become." For example, if I only see myself as the mother or the grandmother or even the wife, I would see the relationship with my children or grandchildren and not the interactions with them.  Being present, enjoying the moment, giving and loving.
Yesterday, I had a tough situation at work.  Tolle said " when you are upset about an event, a person, or situation, the real cause is not the event, the person or situation but a loss of true perspective that only space can provide."  You are trapped and need to restore yourself.  I was aware of the feelings and the need for space.  I became aware that things were going bad quickly and I was reacting in a negative, unproductive way, so I shut everything down and walked away for a while.  Sometimes, we can't do that--physically, but we can in our minds.  We can identify the situation and deal with it.
Our inner purpose is to awaken, to be present, and to be.  I want that for each moment of my life.

Personality Traits

Personality tests, charts and discussions intrigue me-- always have.  I remember when I was in about sixth grade having a discussion with my mom and aunt about what kind of personality I had.  Both of them pegged me wrong.  I needed to grow into who I was going to be and they only saw who I was at the time.  I overcame a lot of negativity in my life, making decisions to break free of emotional abuse, of feeling like I was not good enough but somewhere, deep inside me, I was capable of doing just that.
The Myers-Briggs Personality Test  (http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/)  has been used in workplaces, schools, and for relationships actively since the 1970's.  It fascinates me as I sometimes see myself in multiple areas.  The basic test breaks down personalities into 16 basic types (I used to think there were four).  Of course, part of it is whether a person is an extrovert or an introvert, whether you sense things or are intuitive (which I also thought were the same thing), how you make decisions and how you judge the outside world.  The test can tell you a lot about yourself and what I find the most interesting, is after that, discovering how others see you.
The great thing about knowing these things about yourself allow you to grow, to develop and to live a fuller life.  We should always try harder, try new things, learn to be more open.  Life is too short to spend it living in a negative, hurtful place.   I believe you can take who you are and become the best you.
I loved how Oprah put it:  "You are built, not to shrink down to less, but to blossom into more.  To be more splendid.  To be more extraordinary.  To use every moment to fill yourself up."  It's good to be you.. but be the best you.

My secret to sleeping

I have had trouble sleeping for about eight years.  I figured it was part of aging but I love my sleep.  I have always liked to have 8-10 hours of sleep at night.  I can normally fall asleep anywhere-- on the road (as a passenger), by the pool, on a plane, even while the kids were still home and we all watched tv, I could sleep.  So, not getting enough sleep was causing me a lot of frustration.
For a short period of time, I tried Tylenol PM-- but doing that long term was not a good, healthy choice.  Then, for a real long time, I just lived with it.  Woke up at around 3:30 every morning and would stay awake until 6.  NOT ACCEPTABLE!  So, I started cutting out caffeine after 4pm.  I began seeing results every few nights but I stuck with it.  Every now and then I would wake up again and stay awake for a few hours, but it is better.
About a month ago I read an article about turning off your phone, computer, etc an hour or so before bed.  One thought is it helps your brain wire down and get ready for sleep.  The other is the glow from the devices passes through the retina and into the portion of the brain that controls the sleep inducing hormone and therefore delays falling into a good sleep.  So, I have now stopped checking my phone and getting off my computer at least an hour before bed.  It's working!  I am even sleeping most nights until it is time to get up in the morning... no getting up in the middle of the night!  I love waking up and looking at the clock and realizing I have slept all night!  Such a great feeling.  It's hard to not check my phone, one last time or play one more round of Words with Friends, but, for me, turning these electronics off, allows my eyes and brain to prepare for a wonderful nights rest.  

My life is one big diet!

Photos of me as a child show me the one thing I know-- I was never skinny.  I wasn't a "fat" kid, but I wasn't skinny either.  I remember my first diet-- I think I went on it because my mom was doing it and of course, I needed to lose weight.  I was 16 and we were doing Weight Watchers.  I lost weight, enough weight to get into a size 12 and I was so thrilled!  I kept off the weight for a while, but slowly it crept back on and I was back up to my 14-16.
During my first pregnancy, the doctor told me to try and not gain any weight and I would be skinny after the baby was born.  So I did.  I tried... thank goodness this crazy diet didn't harm the baby but I wasn't skinny after he was born.  Off and on the next 12 years I did Atkins, the Cabbage Soup Diet, counted calories, tried Aloe Juice (which landed me in the hospital with gallstones and eventual surgery) and even tried Quick Weight Loss (which caused me to have kidney problems for a while).
I did Physicians Weight Loss and lost down to that size 12 again and kept that off for a few years.  I thought I looked great!  Skinny and could walk into any store and find something that fit.  That was until my doctor saw me and we discovered an eating disorder.  We won't go there.  Needless to say, another diet, taxing my body, doing stupid things and so I gained a few pounds here and there and my body settled down again at it's comfortable size.
I find it sad that I look back on milestones in my life and can say -- that was when we moved and then quickly add and I was on ________ diet.  Or, that was when we went on a cruise and I had just finished _______ diet.  The fact is, diets cause just as much harm as they do good.  Low self esteem, poor metabolism and emotional distress just to name a few.  And I have been there and experienced them.
We know, that for the most part, diets don't work-- they are just temporary weight loss and what does work is to eat a well balanced diet, healthy snacks and exercise.  We know that yo yo dieting is bad for the body and yet, someone like me that is always trying to lose weight is caught in that cycle.  There is a study that shows women "had a great risk of heart disease beginning shortly after menopause. The researchers believe that the link between weight cycling and heart disease involves the cells that line the blood vessels called endothelial cells. When people gain and lose weight repeatedly, these cells become damaged so blood can’t flow freely. When blood flow to the heart becomes restricted, the stage is set for heart attack and stroke".  That is scary stuff.  
It boils down to this,  I want to live a long, healthy life.  I want to treat my body well and to enjoy the things around me and not let a diet define every single moment of my day.   But it does.  Somehow, I am going to find the balance and feel good about that but I'm not there, not yet.  

Bucket List

Eight to ten years ago, I created my bucket list.  The list only included things I felt I could really accomplish.  I would mentioned a few things on the list now and then but didn't share it totally with anyone, not even Mark as some I just wanted to happen...  emotional or spiritual things than accomplishments.  A few were places I wanted to visit, a few things to do, things like that.  One was to finish my quilt I had started and when we moved, I threw it away.  I couldn't do it, I didn't want to do it, I was done with that project and I don't regret it.  That was a good one, a good feeling to be able to let it go.  As I marked things off my list and it got shorter, I added more.
When my father was dying (he was only 61) he had to move into our home and so we set him up in his own room and I tried real hard to make his last days as pleasant as they could be.  I believe they were.  I'd get up every morning and WHATEVER he wanted for breakfast, I would go get or make.  He couldn't eat it, but he wanted it and I felt he should have what he desired.   He asked that we sell his last remaining personal items and to set up his music station so he could listen to all his CD's one last time.  After the garage sale, I took the money to him and asked what CD's he would like and he said none.  He was just about finished with all of them and he was happy.  So, each day, I would plug in his headphones and he would do his music.  In just a few days, he had finished them all.  Then the Braves made the World Series and he looked at me and said "I am a happy man!"  He died that night. True story... he finished his CD collection and the Braves were going to the World Series.
So back to my bucket list.... I don't want the list to run out!  I continue to add things that I truly want to do.  I want to go fly fishing. I  want to stand in the stream, the sun shining down on me and enjoy the peaceful sound of water and try to learn that style of fishing.  I want to go to Niagara Falls.  I want to go on a sleigh ride and tap a maple tree.  I want to play the cello.  There are more, but for me, writing down what I want to do, to accomplish and to experience has direction, a purpose and gives me focus.  The list morphs and grows, and as it does, I feel good about the things that have been marked off and the things I add.
So today, what's on your list?  If you don't have one, start one, write it down, start thinking about your dreams, your hopes but also the things you have done.  And when you do, I believe you will find interesting things about yourself you may not have known, you will also see growth in your life as you start to put a value to what you want and what you need.

Games from my childhood

I am having the grands over tomorrow and was planning some activities and started thinking, we should play some games-- learn something new yet introduce them to some games that will, hopefully, never grow old.
The first "game" I remember is Mr. Potato Head, but we used real potatoes!  I know I had that but it was always a problem when I needed a fresh, new potato.  Thank goodness in the sixties, Hasbro introduced Mr. Potato Head in plastic!  I think we might need a set or two of these in our house!
Next, came Cootie.  I think what I liked about that game were all the cool bug parts and it was easy to play with Ginny and often we played with the parts and had just as much fun as playing the game.
The game I think I played the most was jacks.  Oh, I loved jacks!  Onesies, twosies, pigs in a pen, and around the world.  And boy, did we have to make sure we picked up the jacks-- they can hurt like heck when you step on one.  We played outside in the driveway or carport and inside in our room.  Many hours working on the right toss of the jacks in order to pick them up, 1, 2 or 3 at a time.  
Another favorite was playing with paper dolls.  Paper dolls in my childhood were the kind you had to cut out and remember to not cut off the tabs!  I spent hours playing with paper dolls but also lost many when my dad did a room inspection and there was paper on the floor.  The paper dolls would be tossed out!  All that time cutting out their clothes and in an instant -- gone!  But I still loved them and I just got the next birthday girl a set today-- complete with case to store them in!
So, I think my mission the next few months is to bring back some of these games, to teach my grandkids how much fun we can have just playing games.    I'm always trying to hit that teachable moment... we just need to play!

Just one poem

In fifth grade, we had to memorize a poem.  I don't remember if this one was assigned to me or if everyone memorized it, but I must say, this poem spoke to my very soul.  I don't know all of it by heart now, but I remember enough and even today, 52 years later, it still says so much.
Each and every day, we make decisions on how to act, what to say, how we treat others and yes, we all make mistakes.  Some of mine haunt me still.  There are so many I wish I could re-do, take back, never experience.  But that is part of living, learning and forgiving.   I believe that forgiveness is the key. Forgive others and forgive yourself.
My mantra has been and always will be "whatever happens I want to be self-respecting and conscience-free".

Myself

by Edgar Guest 

I have to live with myself, and so,
I want to be fit for myself to know;
I want to be able as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don't want to dress myself up in sham.
I want to deserve all men's respect;
But here in this struggle for fame and pelf,
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to think as I come and go
That I'm for bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me,
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself -- and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

Music to My Ears

Isn't amazing how a song can move you?  Music has always been part of my life.  We grew up with Glen Miller, Patti Page, and Benny Goodman.  My sister and I used to ask our parents to watch us perform to Patti Page singing "Cross Over the Bridge".  CRAZY but TRUE!
When the Beatles were on Ed Sullivan, I remember thinking "no way!" and it took me some time to transition to what was quickly becoming the new sound of the mid sixties.  Then I started listening with my cousin to the Beach Boys and cool beach music.
My sister introduced me to Carole King in the seventies.  At the same time, I was in band and begin to identify with rousing marches and calming overtures.  Our wedding song was the theme from Romeo and Juliet and somewhere in the Barbra Streisand became my go to artist.  I think she pulled all those pieces of music and encompassed all that I loved.
Studies show that beloved music often calms a chaotic brain and helps the listener re-engage and focus.  Music affects the brain regions linked to creativity, motor responses and emotions.  I feel like I could define myself by the music I listen to and yet, the music I listen to is all over the spectrum.  I can listen to Abba one moment, Beethoven the next and transition right into Queen and not miss a beat.   My playlist is a mixed up as a bowl of trail mix, some soft music, some crunchy, loud music, and some nice blends of all the mix.  I can't imagine a life without my memories of music.

 "After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."

What book are you reading?

One of my earliest memories is when my mom took my sister and me to the Patrick Air Force Base Library.  We had recently relocated to Florida and I was probably in second grade at the time.  In my memories, the library was old but that didn't matter.  Mom took us to the children's section and probably told us how many books we could check out.  I knew then, what heaven must look like!  I couldn't even begin to read all the books I wanted to read.  I wanted to start at A and work my way all the way to Z.
The library was such an integral part of our lives.  I was always trying to read all of the Nancy Drew books, then I fell in love with some horse stories, then mysteries and at some point around junior high, Mom took me away from the Children's section and I fell in love all over again!  Lloyd C Douglas and Pearl S Buck became my favorite authors.  To this day, The Good Earth floods me with memories.
Reading was our passion, something mom and I shared.  We would drive down River Road in Merritt Island and look at all the old, beautiful homes and see homes with towers-- of course, those were reading towers!  Filled with pillows and books.  Somewhere we could escape for hours if we only lived in a house with a tower.
Time has moved on and I still love books.  I'm not too picky but when one author treats me with a great story, I will read everything they have written if I can.  These days, I enjoy Jodi Picoult,  Sue Grafton, Nicholas Sparks, John Grisham but have also read Stephanie Myers, P C Cast -- I am not too old for young adult books!  I am amazed at how an author spins their story, builds their characters, and knows from beginning to end how things are going to go.  I cannot fathom where George R R Martin started his story and where it will end (and will he live long enough to give us the ending) yet I don't want it to end.  I want Arya Stark to grow up and Tyrion to be redeemed and find peace.  So, what book are you reading?  Is there a book that spoke to you-- one that made you say, this is it...  this is what I have been looking for?  For me, there are so many and so many more to explore!

Lasting Friendship

Last night I talked to a friend that I hadn't talked to in months.  We used to talk every day or every few days because we worked together,  but since our jobs have changed and the business has moved on without us, we have missed the interaction, the conversations but most of all each other's company.

The two of us have travelled together to Paris, Amsterdam, Munich, Nuremberg, Bangkok, Shanghai,
Hong Kong, New York and Long Beach and more.  We have almost missed flights, been lost numerous times, shopped until the stores closed (and once even after the store closed).   We have worked so hard and long we can't think straight,  designed products on hotel restaurant napkins, worked on trains at midnight, on long flights and still found time to have fun.  Through it all, my friend taught me how to design, how to see the whole child, how to tweak an idea to make it even better.  She gave me confidence to try, to speak up and to stand up.  She calmed me and gave me perspective.
After our phone call, I realized how much she means to me, how there are only a few friendships in a lifetime like this one and how I long for  this friendship to last the rest of my life.  I need to work harder on my friendships.  I need to be there, to check in and be a better friend.  Life is too short to go any farther without great friends.

"One of the most beautiful qualities of a true friendship is to understand and to be understood."  

Birthday Parties

There are all kinds of birthday parties.  Parties that have themes, parties that have cake and ice cream, parties that create noise and excitement and parties that just come together on the spur of the moment.

The only birthday party I remember from my childhood is a PINK one-- everything was pink--pink cake, pink balloons and pink lemonade.  I don't know what happened after that, I don't know if we couldn't afford them, if life was just too crazy for my parents or what but that is the only party I remember and I was probably 5 years old.
So-- I love parties!  I love planning them, I love themes, I love making decorations and all the food.  I also enjoy the party that brings the people I love together-- all in one place, having fun, and enjoying each other's company.
I started thinking about why I get so excited and what drives me to want it all to be just right.  By the way, if you know me, it isn't perfect-- something is always askew or missing!  But I think it all boils down to how a party makes me feel.  The feeling of love and acceptance, the joy of giving a gift that makes receiver smile and the joy of receiving a gift that you know someone put some thought into.   Now, in this time of my life, I know it's about making the memory.  That someday, a loved one will look back and remember they felt special and loved.  Loved by the most important people in their lives.  It's not about the theme or the decorations or even the presents, it's about knowing you are loved.
Today we will celebrate Hudson's second birthday and tomorrow Wyatt's seventh.  And you know what, I can't wait!

Let's start from the very beginning!

I love blogs, I love to read other peoples thoughts and perspectives on many levels and many topics.  Some are great, creative posts, some are sentimental, some move me and some just make me smile.  In reading others thoughts, I find myself wanting to create, to post and to share some of those same topics and yet to create daily memories to cherish ... even if they are just for me.  So today, I am starting to gather the memories, to express myself and to walk down a path that allows me to look where I have been and where I am going.  And I am going to enjoy myself!  Join me as I share ways to create your own memories, to have fun,  to take in the moment and to enjoy this life we have been so blessed to experience!