My life is one big diet!

Photos of me as a child show me the one thing I know-- I was never skinny.  I wasn't a "fat" kid, but I wasn't skinny either.  I remember my first diet-- I think I went on it because my mom was doing it and of course, I needed to lose weight.  I was 16 and we were doing Weight Watchers.  I lost weight, enough weight to get into a size 12 and I was so thrilled!  I kept off the weight for a while, but slowly it crept back on and I was back up to my 14-16.
During my first pregnancy, the doctor told me to try and not gain any weight and I would be skinny after the baby was born.  So I did.  I tried... thank goodness this crazy diet didn't harm the baby but I wasn't skinny after he was born.  Off and on the next 12 years I did Atkins, the Cabbage Soup Diet, counted calories, tried Aloe Juice (which landed me in the hospital with gallstones and eventual surgery) and even tried Quick Weight Loss (which caused me to have kidney problems for a while).
I did Physicians Weight Loss and lost down to that size 12 again and kept that off for a few years.  I thought I looked great!  Skinny and could walk into any store and find something that fit.  That was until my doctor saw me and we discovered an eating disorder.  We won't go there.  Needless to say, another diet, taxing my body, doing stupid things and so I gained a few pounds here and there and my body settled down again at it's comfortable size.
I find it sad that I look back on milestones in my life and can say -- that was when we moved and then quickly add and I was on ________ diet.  Or, that was when we went on a cruise and I had just finished _______ diet.  The fact is, diets cause just as much harm as they do good.  Low self esteem, poor metabolism and emotional distress just to name a few.  And I have been there and experienced them.
We know, that for the most part, diets don't work-- they are just temporary weight loss and what does work is to eat a well balanced diet, healthy snacks and exercise.  We know that yo yo dieting is bad for the body and yet, someone like me that is always trying to lose weight is caught in that cycle.  There is a study that shows women "had a great risk of heart disease beginning shortly after menopause. The researchers believe that the link between weight cycling and heart disease involves the cells that line the blood vessels called endothelial cells. When people gain and lose weight repeatedly, these cells become damaged so blood can’t flow freely. When blood flow to the heart becomes restricted, the stage is set for heart attack and stroke".  That is scary stuff.  
It boils down to this,  I want to live a long, healthy life.  I want to treat my body well and to enjoy the things around me and not let a diet define every single moment of my day.   But it does.  Somehow, I am going to find the balance and feel good about that but I'm not there, not yet.